Opposite sides of the coin
by Cats070911
Summary: Someone is trying to kill Lynley. As Havers helps the injured Lynley they begin to sort through much of the pain from their past.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

Elizabeth George and the BBC own these characters - I just borrow them from time to time. My version is always based on the BBC characters and storylines.

This may be my last story for a while due to work. I have been pleased by the reviews of my other stories and hope you like this one too. I was tired of the women always being injured - this time Lynley has some physical as well as emotional pain.

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"Stop fussing Havers!" Thomas Lynley snapped at his Sergeant, Barbara Havers. He was tired; he was in pain and he was angry. He knew he should not have checked himself out of the hospital but he just could not bear to be there. It reminded him too much of past traumas.

She rolled her eyes but continued to help him out of the cab. It was taking all her strength not to shout at him to shut up. Only four hours earlier, as she had rushed to the hospital in response to their call, she had been terrified that he might be badly hurt, now _she_ wanted to hurt him. _Arrogant pain in the posterior!_

"Where are your house keys?" she asked him as they approached his door.

"Trouser pocket, left side," he replied tersely. _Just get me inside._

His arm was bandaged so Barbara knew she would have to retrieve them. _Oh God. How am I going to do this?_ Barbara blushed but thankfully at this early hour no one would see. She had never considered having to put her hands anywhere near his trousers. _Well I have to get him in the house. _So she took a breath and reached into his pocket. Thankfully the key ring was easy to find and she withdrew her hand quickly. _Not so bad._ She fumbled with the lock and could feel his eyes boring into her. _I'm doin' my best – don't say a word!_

Once the door was open he stormed in and sat heavily on his sofa. "A whiskey would be good," he ordered. He knew he was being rude and that he would have to make it up to Barbara later but he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. Anger worked well for that; it was something they could both manage.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no' Havers? This _is_ my house and I want a drink." Now the anger was genuine and intense. _How dare she?_

"No. The doctor said not to mix alcohol with those painkillers they gave you, so no, I am not getting you a drink." _You insufferable, thankless so and so._

He knew she was right but he tried another tack – puppy dog eyes. "Please Barbara."

"No!"

"So I am almost killed tonight and now you deny me the simply pleasure of a good single malt."

"Yes, I am. I'll make you a cocoa if you like." He screwed his nose up but she could tell his mood was softening ever so slightly. He sighed, resigned to his fate. It was probably better she did not give him any right now; he would have trouble stopping and all the emotion of the last few hours would come to the surface. Still he would like that drink.

"So what actually happened?" Barbara was first and foremost a policewoman and she needed answers to what had happened to her boss. The report at the hospital had been very sketchy. A dark car had rammed Lynley's car. He had lost control and hit a tree. The ambulance had rushed him to St Thomas' Hospital about 11 pm. The nurse had contacted her about 11:15 pm and she had reached the hospital as quickly as she could, fearing the worst. She had been so relieved to discover his injuries, although serious in her view, were so much less than they could have been.

"I don't remember much... I was driving and then this dark car hit the rear of the Bristol. I had nowhere to go and… I think I hit something." He sounded vague. She did not believe that was all he knew but sensed now was not the time to press him.

"A tree," she told him flatly, "You were lucky you weren't hurt badly."

"Yes I suppose a fractured shoulder blade, a cracked collarbone, three broken ribs, seven stitches in my head and two sprained fingers are not all that serious!"

Barbara scrutinised him now. His shoulder, head knock and collarbone damage was on the left side and he was trussed up in a sling in a way that reminded her of a Christmas turkey. The sprained fingers were on his right hand making him unable to effectively use either arm for the next day or so. She was not sure which side his ribs were on but she would need to remember to be careful if she had to move him.

"Well it beats a broken skull. And besides if you are hurt so badly why did you discharge yourself, against doctor's orders?"

"I don't need to be in that place to get better. I'll hire a nurse to look after me."

"Yes and of course Rent-A-Nurse is open twenty-four seven just waiting for your call." Barbara was getting a bit weary of his petulance.

"Hardly, you can look after me tonight and I'll get someone tomorrow."

"Oh can I, your Lordship? What makes you think I want to?" He may be sick but he was really starting to annoy her. He looked up and seemed hurt. "Anyway your mother will be down tomorrow so _she_ can look after you."

"No, Havers. You rang her, why?" Tommy sounded alarmed.

"Well she is your next of kin; I thought she needed to know. I was surprised that the hospital hadn't rung her but they said my number is listed in your phone as your emergency contact."

"Well that is for a reason Havers." His voice was cold. She knew his relationship with his mother was strained but surely at a time like this he would want her near.

"Blood's thicker than water Sir. You need her. I told her not to drive down in the dark. She will leave first thing in the morning."

"No, no I don't need her. A man dying of thirst in the desert needs a cup of water more than he needs a cup of blood." He did not need his mother; he needed Barbara. She was here helping him and yet he was trying his hardest to make her walk out but could not help himself. "Anyway I'm _your_ emergency contact." He was actually pouting.

Barbara had never told him but he had guessed correctly which angered her even more. "That's totally different Sir, I don't have any family. You're the only person who might be even vaguely interested whether I'm alive or dead." She looked so vulnerable and alone that Tommy felt both chastened and sad. He had not meant to hurt her.

"I do, very much Havers." She knew from his tone that he meant it. "And I thought you might feel the same way." She could tell he was sorry.

"Yes. I am glad I was told but I'm still not your family."

"Well you feel like family to me."

Barbara was both flattered and confused. _What the hell does that mean?_ They had been both partners and friends for years and had a bond that was hard to describe, but she had never thought he considered her family. She was touched but also fleetingly sad that it confirmed one thing, he had no romantic inclinations towards her. Still a big brother, little sister sort of thing felt warm and fuzzy. She could live with that. She smiled and simply said, "Thank you Sir. That's nice to know."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither sure what to say. Their partnership was important to both of them. They were loyal to each above all else, almost to the exclusion of others, but they had never really talked about what they meant to each other. They had just taken it for granted and not over analysed it. Barbara was starting to feel awkward the way he was looking at her. "Well I think you should rest Sir, let's get you up to bed."

This conversation had forced Tommy to think. He reflected on something that had happened just before he hit the tree. He was not sure what it meant but he needed to work it out and soon. But now he needed to distract them both and seized opportunity to lighten the mood. "Well that's an offer I never thought I would get from you Sergeant." She glared at him and was tempted to snap back but instead muttered something that he could not understand as she helped him off the couch.

They went upstairs and it was only then that Barbara realised that the next few minutes would be very awkward. He sat on the edge of his bed and she knelt down and undid his shoes and slipped off his socks. _How is he going to be able to manage his trousers? Oh god, I don't believe this is really happening._ Tommy sensed her embarrassment and said, "It is ok I can sleep in my trousers."

"No, I think you should take them off Sir. If you need the bathroom later you won't be able to manage your fly or belt with two bad hands."

"You're right; thank you Havers. I know this is tricky for both of us."

"No problem Sir, it goes with the job." _What? Since when did this go with the job?_

Tommy smiled and stood while Barbara undid his belt and unzipped his trousers. She closed her eyes while she gently tugged them down to allow him to step out of them. At least he was a boxer man. It was only when she went to remove his coat that was hanging over his shoulders that she realised that he had no shirt on. What she had thought was his shirt was in fact the bandages stretched around his torso to protect his ribs_. _The hospital must have cut the shirt off to examine him. She was relieved. It would have been hard to remove it with him all tethered up in his sling. _He should have stayed in the hospital, stupid man._

"Ok Sir, let's get you comfortable." He moved into his bed and sat. She helped him lie back and arranged the pillows under his head and shoulders. He would have to half sit for the next few days rather than lie flat. "Is that ok?"

"Yes, thanks Barbara."

"Ok, well I'll just be downstairs. Just yell if you need me Sir."

"Barbara, can you stay with me?"

"Sir?"

"I just don't want to be alone. Will you stay here … please?" He extended his hand towards her. He looked so alone that she felt guilty for having been angry at him earlier. She was very grateful that he was alive. She remembered how she had felt her knees buckle when she had taken the hospital's call. She would be devastated if anything happened to him.

She started to reach out and was about to grab his hand in reassurance when she realised he had bruised fingers. So she sat on the side of the bed and simply said, "Yes, of course. Try to get some sleep Sir."

"I saw the tree and thought that was the answer Barbara. I think I steered towards it." She did not know what to say. _What is he actually saying?_ "I didn't want to go on with all the nightmares and guilt. It would have been a way out. Then at the last minute I stopped and tried to steer away."

_So he was saying that. _"What made you stop?" She immediately regretted asking that was too personal.

"You."

"Me?"

"I couldn't do it to you Barbara. I didn't know why at the time but I have been thinking about it since," he said softly, his voice faltering, "It would be unfair. You would soon have worked it out and either torn yourself apart with guilt wondering what you should have done to stop it. Or you would have pursued whoever hit me and punished them with terrifying ferocity that they would not have deserved; I know I would have done that if it had been you. Neither option would be fair, so I couldn't do it. I couldn't do that to you. I hadn't set out to kill myself; I didn't know I felt that way until the opportunity arose."

Barbara moved further onto the bed. She really did not know what to say. He had been morose and guilty about Helen before but he had never seemed suicidal. She felt she needed to be closer to him. "Oh Sir, I had no idea you were still in so much pain."

"It's ok Barbara. I don't expect you to do anything. I just wanted to tell someone, to tell you; and to thank you for being there to pull me back."

With that his tears began to flow. She wanted to hold him close and protect him but negotiating around his wounds was hard. She found herself kneeling up next to his pillows cradling his head as his tears turned to sobs and then to howls. All the annoyance she had felt earlier in the evening turned to guilt. He had needed her and she had resented it. _How could I even think of turning my back on Tommy?_ She kept holding him until he at last fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It was only a few hours later that the sun peaked though the bedroom window. Barbara woke slowly wondering what had happened; she was sitting in a chair in Lynley's bedroom. She glanced over and he was still sleeping. It came back to her; it had been a crazy few hours. She was disturbed by what he had told her and she was at a loss what to do.

She was hungry and figured that she would need to cook him some breakfast. That would be a practical start. _This is going to be interesting. I hope he has some cereal and milk. _

It was then that her phone rang, startling her and waking Tommy. "Havers."

It was DC Nkata, a member of their team. Barbara lent into the phone to speak quietly. She listened briefly then started to stare at Tommy. "Really?... No he doesn't seem to remember… I can imagine… Yes I think he can… I think his mother will take him back to Cornwall." Tommy started shaking his head furiously. "Yes, appreciate that, I will stay with him until she arrives… I'll tell him. Thanks Winston."

"So, tell me; you obviously learned something from that call." Tommy was clearly in DI mode and seemed to have forgotten about his confession last night.

"The car was stolen. They found it abandoned. What were you doing driving around there at that hour of night?" It was odd; the accident was not far from her flat.

"Nothing."

"Really? Since when do you do nothing?"

Tommy looked sheepish. "I was driving home from your place."

"My place? But you didn't visit me."

"I know. I sat outside for a few hours and then when you turned your light off I left."

Barbara was stunned. "I don't understand."

"I was going to come and see you but I thought you would think I was being absurd, so I sat outside. I… I wanted to talk. I didn't want to be alone, but I realised I can't dump my issues on you every time I can't cope. I'm sorry."

"Well you should have come in. Maybe then you would not be like this," she said waving her hands up and down in the general direction of his body to highlight his wounds. "I thought you knew I am always there for you."

"I do. Thanks, and I am sorry. I am sorry about last night too, I shouldn't have told you."

"It's ok; and I'm glad you did. I'm only sorry you didn't knock on my door," Barbara replied but she needed to change the mood. "I'll go and make some breakfast."

"That should be interesting!" He was actually laughing.

It was a struggle because his hands were unserviceable but half an hour later Barbara had managed to feed him some toast. "Coffee through a straw is no fun Barbara. Is this what it will be like in our old age? Feeding each other?"

"No, you will have a lovely wife and kind children, or a sexy young nurse feeding you and I will end up in a home like Mum." She sounded bitter but had not intended it to come out that way. Tommy had meant his comment to sound endearing and to imply that their partnership would still be going even then but he realised Barbara was more literal and saw her future as being doomed to loneliness and living out her days in a nursing home. He would never let that happen no matter what but now was not the time to bring his money into the conversation.

"No you won't," he said firmly. He hoped his tone meant that conversation was at an end. "Now how am I going to shower and shave?" Barbara looked truly horrified and all Tommy could do was laugh but it hurt his ribs. They agreed to wait for the nurse.

Tommy did not want his mother to come down so Barbara rang Lady Asherton and caught her before she had left. It was difficult to explain that Tommy did not want her in London. Sadly she heard relief in his mother's voice. Barbara could not escape however without agreeing to drive Tommy down and to stay a few days to recuperate. She really wished he could be closer to his mother. Their relationship was functional nowadays at least but it was not close.

Tommy was genuinely happy that he was off the hook. Her next call was to a nursing agency where she requested an unflappable and kindly middle aged nurse used to difficult patients. She felt a tinge of regret that someone else was going to look after him now. The look on his face however had been priceless when she had listed her criteria and he was now pretending to be quite indignant. She was glad he seemed more relaxed.

"The nurse will be here in about an hour Sir; then I will head off home and go into the Yard."

"Really, you're not staying with me?" Tommy had simply assumed she would stay.

"No, why would I?"

"Yes, I suppose you are right Havers. You have better things to do than babysit me. Can you find out how my car is please?"

"It's not like that Sir. I would be happy to stay but I don't think Hillier will see it that way. I'll make some enquiries about the car."

The nurse arrived promptly and started issuing orders to Lynley. She was exactly what Barbara had asked for and would take no nonsense from Tommy whether he was Lord Lynley or not. The bemused helpless look on his face was priceless to Barbara and she left them to it with a promise to bring over some dinner tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

By ten o'clock Barbara was in the office and was beginning to re-assign their cases now that Lynley was incapacitated when Winston took a call. His face looked serious and Barbara wondered what was wrong. "Well?" she said when he rang off.

"The traffic team don't believe it was an accident. His car was deliberately rammed."

"Do they know who?"

"No, no idea. It must have caught the DI by surprise though. The tyre tracks and some CCTV show he swerved hard at first, they think he might have been attempting to avoid something but they can't see what, and then he must have seen the tree on the footpath in the last seconds and swerved hard the other way to lessen the impact. They are trying to see what distracted him."

Barbara knew the truth but the conclusions the traffic team had drawn sounded plausible. "Ok good, well I hope you told them to keep us posted."

"Of course."

It was then that her phone rang. "Havers," Her face paled. "When? … Was anyone hurt? … Where are they now? … We'll be right over." She disconnected and looked straight at Winston and barked, "Get your coat; someone fired shots into the Inspector's house." With that she was out the door and halfway to the car before Winston caught up to her. "Anyone hurt?" Barbara shook her head but looked distracted and Winston could tell she was worried, so he drove.

"Sir!" she called racing through his front door, "Are you ok?"

"Yes Havers, I'm fine." He came from the kitchen in the back of the house. "But the damned nurse walked out. She said being shot at wasn't part of her nursing duties."

They looked at each other and laughed. Winston was not sure what was so funny but he never really understood them sometimes; they seemed to have a secret language. "I'll track her down Sir, we'll need her statement." He was not sure if they even heard him, they were just looking at each other holding another silent conversation.

Lynley and Havers soon snapped into their detective mode and Tommy insisted that Barbara unwrap the bandages on his right hand. "They are only sprained Havers, and I need my hand. We won't be able to get another nurse now and I'm not having you help me toilet!" Barbara was relieved before she was even concerned; she had not thought about that aspect but she was not letting him out of her sight until whoever was chasing him was caught. The hand was swollen and had large purple bruises but he could flex his fingers slightly and move his wrist.

The nurse was quickly found and she confirmed Lynley's account. She had been helping him dress after his shower when they heard three loud bangs and the glass in the bedroom window shattered into the room. Lynley had knocked her to the floor after the first shot and as soon as he had let her up she had run out screaming that being shot at was not part of her duties. She was embarrassed by that now as it was not his fault, but she still had no intention of returning.

While Tommy and Winston were interviewing the nurse, Barbara had spoken to Hillier. They had agreed to take Tommy to a safe house somewhere. She was concerned that it might be someone in the Met helping whoever was doing this and convinced Hillier to allow her to take him somewhere only Hillier and Winston knew. Hillier agreed, somewhat reluctantly, but only if she took Winston and kept him informed 'somehow'. Barbara knew what that meant. It had to be somewhere she knew but not where anyone would think to look for Lynley. She thought about a few possibilities but then decided she knew somewhere perfect. She grinned slyly. _He is not going to be amused._

She despatched Winston to go to four separate department stores and buy cheap mobile phones with pre-paid SIMs and add enough credit to last a week. They would only programme them with those numbers and give one to Hillier. They could leave their normal phones at the office to be monitored. Anyone smart enough to be trying to trace their location would think they were hiding inside the station.

Lynley took convincing. He did not want to be seen to hide. But after they talked it through he agreed that his injuries made him vulnerable and that it would be best to lie low. He hated doing nothing but Barbara assured him they would be working – thinking about potential suspects and trying to go through events of the last weeks to find patterns and clues. Tommy phoned his mother to let her know what had happened. The local police would provide extra patrols around Howenstowe and he did not want her leaving the estate until after this was over. He was not surprised that she seemed unfazed. _Typical Mother._ He was however very surprised when she asked if Barbara would be with him. "You need her around Tommy. She won't let anything happen to you. Promise me you will let her help you." Of course Havers would be with him, she was his partner after all.

Under his direction Barbara quickly packed a bag for him then added some extra bandages to his arm and head to make him look more injured. They made a public show of getting him into a police car and driving to the station where they went in the front. He was quickly stripped of the extra dressings and put a different coat around his shoulders. He was glad his hand was free to slip through the sleeve. He felt better being semi-respectably dressed. Barbara always kept a small bag in the office with essentials and that would have to do. If they were away too long then she would just have to buy more clothes. Winston had returned with the mobiles and his overnight bag.

After a five minute discussion with Hillier they slipped out into a police van which drove to the Old Bailey. There was nothing unusual in that and unless any one of a few trusted officers was in on it, whoever was trying to get at Lynley would never suspect the van. At the courts they quickly transferred into an old Ford SUV. Winston was driving and Barbara had given him an address. She tossed Lynley a baseball cap which he stared at as if it was from Mars, making Winston and Havers chuckle. "Yes exactly Sir, no one who knows you would ever think you would wear one of those." He pulled it on knowing how foolish he must have looked; a truth confirmed by the way his DS and DC tried hard to conceal their amusement.

At first Winston drove west on the M4 before merging onto the M25 and finally the M3, seemingly heading for Southampton. Lynley had been very quiet sitting in the back with Barbara. "Why Southampton?" he asked as they passed through Winchester. She just shook her head. She could not tell him where they were really going just yet. Winston turned east onto the M27 and Lynley realised they were driving the long way somewhere. He trusted Havers to know what she was doing. They had all been looking for any signs of cars following them and were sure that unless their nemesis, who that had nicknamed "Moriarty" after Sherlock Holmes' enemy, had far greater resources or technologies than the Met, they were alone.

Tommy sank back into his seat and started to doze. He liked Portsmouth or maybe they were going to the Isle of Wight; he had not been there for years. He drifted off to sleep and woke when the car stopped moving.

"Butlins!" he cried out, "We have come to a Butlins Camp?"

"Butlins Bognor Regis, Sir". Barbara was laughing so hard at the shock on his face that she thought she may wet herself. "Tell me who would EVER look for you here?"

"She has a point Sir," Winston chimed in.

Tommy recovered quickly and started to smirk, "Yes Havers I think you're right. This would be the last place anyone who actually knows me would ever look. But please…tell me we are not sharing another caravan."


	4. Chapter 4

Barbara had in fact organised two adjoining apartments in one of the newer hotel blocks. Butlins had changed a lot over the years and was hardly the chalet style camp made famous by the Carry On movies. "You and Winston can stay in the two bedroom apartment and I'll stay in the one bedroom next door," she said as they parked the car and walked to their block.

Winston and Lynley both looked horrified. "Maybe you would be more comfortable staying in the single Sir and I can stay with Barbara in the double." Winston clearly did not want to share with Lynley.

Tommy shot him a withering look. He did not want Barbara sharing an apartment with Winston, even if they would be in separate rooms. "I think that might defeat the purpose Nkata, aren't you two supposed to be protecting me?"

Winston looked resigned to his fate and Barbara was having another of those silent conversations with Lynley. Her face was saying, "It wouldn't look right if I share with you," and his was saying, "I don't care!" Lynley had had enough. "Havers can stay in the spare room in my apartment and you can be next door." It was clearly an order and all three were pleased.

They settled in and Barbara sent Winston into Brighton to ring Hillier and to bring back some supplies. It was an hour drive each way and she thought that was far enough to throw anyone off the scent. She was confident Lynley was in no immediate danger. After he left she and Lynley started to go through old cases trying to find someone with a grudge. There were no immediate suspects and no one had been recently released from prison, but there were also many people who could have wanted him dead. They were still at it when Winston returned but had made no real progress. The smell of the Indian takeaway was good and soon the three of them were devouring a delicious Tandoori chicken and rice. They would have liked a beer but not while someone might be out there trying to kill Lynley.

Tommy looked tired and asked Barbara to fetch him some painkillers. He would like to rest for a while. Winston took his leave. He and Barbara agreed she would take the first shift and he would sit with Lynley tomorrow while she slept.

Tommy lay on his bed and she arranged his pillows to be comfortable. His shoulder was obviously troubling him and the painkillers had not kicked in. She cursed herself for forgetting to give them to him earlier today. Some nurse she made forgetting his medication.

"Thank you Barbara."

"For what Sir?" she replied absentmindedly sitting on the bed next to him.

"Everything; especially looking after me. I feel foolish about what I said last night but I also feel a lot better having told you. "

"Have you worked out what it was about?" _Why did I ask that? He doesn't have to tell me that._

"Yes, I did. I love you." He reached over and with his bruised hand pulled her towards him and kissed her. It was gentle but urgent and he felt her respond. He could no longer deny what he felt for Barbara. She meant the world to him and he regretted not knocking on her door the other night and telling her just as he had planned.

Barbara leapt up almost shouting at him, "What the …" She was angry. She was trying to help him and he did that to her. How dare he? And his timing was appalling. And she knew she had started to kiss him back. _Now he will know how I feel! _

She tried to calm herself. "Look Sir I know you have had a bad week but the painkillers have addled you brain. We can forget this happened and tomorrow just go back to normal."

"But I don't want to forget what happened, and I don't think you do either Barbara." He had scared her he knew but he could not pretend any longer.

"Yes, I do. I am going to go to my room now and we ARE going to forget this, this, whatever it was. Things are complicated enough." She turned and left the room.

"Barbara wait," Tommy called after her but he knew she would not come back. _You are an idiot Lynley!_

She threw herself onto her bed and cried. She wanted to run back into his arms but that was futile. He did not really love her and now he knew she loved him. Their ordered world was crumbling around her. Her main job was to keep him alive – just long enough to kill him herself.


	5. Chapter 5

They stayed at Butlins for the next three days. Lynley was slowly recovering and had almost full use of his right hand. He was in less pain and his ribs no longer hurt every time he breathed. Winston had checked in with the Met every day but there had been no developments. He had broken the bad news about the Bristol being a write off but Tommy had vowed to have it fixed anyway. It held too many memories to lose it.

Barbara had been true to her word and pretended nothing had happened. Tommy knew now was not the time to push it and had played along. Everything seemed normal on the outside but both knew if they scratched the surface the outcome was unpredictable.

"I think we should go back tomorrow. I'm feeling better and we are not going to find out who caused all this by hiding here."

"I don't know Sir." Barbara was not at all convinced that was safe and besides that might mean they would have to deal with that other matter. She was not ready for that yet.

Winston was bored and happy to return to London. "I think the Inspector is right. We are not going to catch them down here." As he finished speaking the phone rang. They all stared knowing it was Hillier. Winston answered it causally, "Yo." He needed to keep the cover in case it was Moriarty. He listened and then hung up. "There was an intruder at Howenstowe Sir. He got away and no one was hurt but he left a knife plunged into your pillow."

"So someone knows my bedroom down there. That might mean this is personal rather than related to my work." Lynley seemed more puzzled than angry. "He is sending me a message; all the more reason to go back to London." He glanced at his watch. It was too late to leave tonight but they would go first thing in the morning. Tonight he was going to have to sort it out with Barbara before things became too awkward. He went and stood near her and leant down and whispered, "We need to talk tonight, no excuses."

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They ate in silence, each lost to their thoughts. The pasta was a bit dry and Lynley decided Winston should never give up policing for catering. Winston could sense that Barbara and the Inspector did not want him around. They had been in a funny mood for the last few days and he hoped they would sort whatever it was out. He just wished they would both wake up and realise they were in love and be done with it. He excused himself about 8 o'clock and retreated to his apartment.

They were alone. Tommy sat on the sofa and motioned for Barbara to join him. Neither spoke for a while until he said, "Look I know that I handled things badly the other night Barbara. I'm sorry I upset you but I am not sorry about what I said." She started to rise in protest but he put his hand up demanding silence. "Here me out Barbara, please. I had wanted to come over and tell you the other night that I had fallen in love with you." The hand came up again.

"I had imagined that you would feel the same way and that somehow everything would work out seamlessly. But then when I got over there I realised that I was arrogant to assume that, and that you probably did not feel that way about me. You have lived through nine years of my tortured love life, why would you believe this was different? But this _IS_ different. I know it is different. Yet I convinced myself you would laugh at me and break my heart. I debated again and again whether I was being a sentimental fool. By the time it went round and round in my head it was too late. You turned off your light and I knew it would have to wait for another time. I felt so despondent and confused."

"Oh Sir." She really did not know what to say. She wanted to tell him she felt the same but she did not believe he really loved her; he was just alone and scared and needed to cling to someone. It had to be that; people like Lord Lynley did not fall in love with frumpy working class policewomen with anger management issues!

"Was I wrong?"

"What?"

"Was I wrong? If you can honestly tell me you don't have any feelings for me then I will stop right here. We can then talk about whether I need to look for another posting or whether we can still work together but I need to know."

Barbara shut her eyes. She could not bear to look at him afraid if she did he would know no matter what she said. "You think you love me but you don't really. I am dumpy and uneducated, have no subtlety or social graces whatsoever; exactly what you are not." This time it was her hand that was raised. "I am not your type of lover but we have a good partnership on the job and a form of friendship that is rare. I do love you, have done for years, but I can live with that. I can keep it compartmentalised so that we can have what we have now. I don't want to endanger that with some misdirected and brief affair that will go nowhere and leave me without anything." She had not meant to actually tell him she loved him. Now things would change, how could they not? She felt her head collapse onto her knees and she started to weep.

Tommy's heart leapt with her declaration but he needed her to know he was serious. He did love her, complete with her odd dress sense and resentment of the world. "I will never hurt you Barbara. I grew up thinking that women were a certain way – they dressed a certain way, they acted a certain way, and they thought a certain way. But none of that makes me happy. You are the only person in the world I want to see every day. You are the only reason I can face the world. You are the only reason I don't drive into trees."

He was on his knees in front of her now. He desperately wished he had the use of both arms to hold her but all he could do was gingerly put his bad hand behind her head and bring her towards him to rest his forehead on hers. "This can work Barbara if we just allow it to; if we trust each other enough to really be who we are, no shields and swords to hide us. I love you more than you could ever know." He lifted her face to look at him. They did not need to speak. She nodded slightly and he kissed her. Being like this hurt his shoulder and ribs beyond any pain he had felt in the last few days but as her arms came tentatively around him there was no way he was going to move away from her embrace. She sensed his pain. So many unspoken thoughts were moving between them in that kiss that neither wanted to break free. This was real; this was true and Barbara realised that they were both crying.

Nothing was going to separate them in that moment – except Winston. He burst through the door excitedly and stopped dead in his tracks. The DS and DI were kissing and he was stunned by the intense intimacy of the moment. Simultaneously he was happy for them, he was embarrassed to have found them like this but most of all he was scared. He had just seen a figure dressed in black put something under their car – they were here.

Winston coughed loudly then in his best police voice said, "Sorry to interrupt but Moriarty is here." He helped Lynley stand. Barbara looked mortified when Winston grinned at her but Lynley looked completely unabashed. Explanations would have to wait; right now they needed to find Moriarty.


	6. Chapter 6

They could not leave – the car either had a tracking device or a bomb attached to it. They did not want to fight him here but may not have any choice. Lynley phoned Hillier while Winston locked the other apartment and checked that all the windows were bolted. Barbara went to her bag and pulled out four handguns and a box of cartridges. She hoped that they did not have to use them but she was not going to allow Moriarty to kill Lynley. Winston and Tommy looked grim when she handed them the loaded guns. They knew how this might turn out. She slipped the fourth one behind the seat of the sofa just in case.

They waited. If Moriarty knew where they were and what car they had he would know what apartment they were in as well. Hiller would have a response team deployed from Chichester but that would take at least half an hour. Lynley suspected they would not have that long to wait. He was right – there was a sharp knock at the door. "Tommy, its Simon, they have Deborah, you have to let me in." Lynley was shocked. He exchanged a glance with Barbara and she confirmed his thoughts; Simon St James was being held hostage.

"Wait on Simon," Lynley called back. His voice was as cool as ever and Barbara and Winston marvelled at how he could maintain his poise like that. "I'm a bit incapacitated at the moment." He signalled for Barbara and Winston to each take a bedroom and wait hidden behind the doors. Tommy opened the door and was nearly knocked over as Simon was pushed into the room with a gun to his head. He was followed by another Simon. "Featherstonehaugh, well I never thought it would turn out to be you." Behind the door Barbara gasped. _Him!_ They had unfinished business with the slimy MP that they had been unable to prove had was guilty of corruption.

Featherstonehaugh let Simon go and pushed him into a chair. He raised his gun and struck him across the head. Simon passed out, blood seeping form the gash at his temple. "Cut it Lynley. You always were a ponce with your holier-than-thou attitude. The mighty Lord Lynley, 8th Earl of nowhere!"

"Do you really have Deborah or was that just emotional blackmail?" Lynley's voice was still ice cold and betrayed none of the anger that he felt. _How dare Featherstonehaugh bring Simon and Deborah into this!_

"No, I don't need her. Simon here was enough to get me though the door."

"So how did you track me down?"

"I have connections you know old man; MI5 and all that. Anyone can be found for the right price."

"So what do you want?"

"I want you dead. Looks like I will have to kill Simon too but that's no great loss."

Lynley looked closely and could see the man's eyes were red and his breathing slightly laboured. _That's good; he's on something._ "Why now?"

"Because the noose is closing and you and that mousy little offsider of yours know a bit too much about the defence contracts. I'm tying up loose ends."

"That was over three years ago. Don't you think I would have done something by now if I could have?"

"Where is she?"

"She's not here."

"Yes she is; she would never leave her precious DI Lynley alone when his life was in danger. Stupid woman dotes on you. You must be good in the sack, but then again not good enough to keep Helen," teased Featherstonehaugh as he glanced at Simon, "or Deborah for that matter."

Lynley could feel his anger starting to get the better of him. In one sentence he had managed to insult the three women who had been most important in Lynley's life. "Well you had better get on with it then; shoot me."

Barbara had heard enough. She knew Tommy would lose his composure and do something rash. She stormed from into the room with her weapon pointed firmly at Featherstonehaugh's head. Winston had come out as well. Two guns were trained on him but the MP doubted they would fire because he now had his gun pressed into the side of Lynley's head. "Put the guns down children or I will shoot Daddy." His voice was full of condescension. Lynley nodded at Barbara. Their eyes locked and despite her instincts that told her not to drop the weapon she trusted Lynley. He had a plan. She tossed her weapon on the floor and signalled for Winston to do the same. Featherstonehaugh laughed. "How meek they are in your presence your Lordship. Now toss your gun over too."

Lynley used his damaged hand to reach into his coat pocket and pull out the gun. He dropped it and moved aware from the others. It was a gamble but he needed to distract Featherstonehaugh. He kept looking at Barbara. He had laughed at Nkata's talk about their silent conversations but he hoped now that it was true. Barbara started to move. Featherstonehaugh spun around to quickly look at her but never took the gun off Lynley. "I feel weak," Barbara said limply and started to move slowly to the sofa where she collapsed.

"See how good she really is Lynley. Your trusty slave Havers. She knows you are going to die and cannot bear to watch. I should kill her first so you suffer even more."

Winston could not stand it any longer. Lynley and Havers seemed to have given up. Well he was damned if he was going to die here tonight. He rushed at Featherstonehaugh but the man was too quick. If Lynley's shoulder had not been in a sling he would have been able to disarm the odious man but all he could do was to knock him off his aim. The shot went low but still caught Nkata in the top of the leg. He thudded, groaning, onto the floor.

Havers had found the fourth gun and was aiming at Featherstonehaugh's head. She had the advantage as Featherstonehaugh did not know there was another gun. Lynley's bump had ruined her shot. She had sensed something and had just stopped herself from squeezing the trigger just a millisecond before Lynley's head moved across her aim. She would have killed herself had she shot the man she loved but not before she killed the man who had shot Winston and was going to kill Tommy. She had a split second to readjust her aim. She fired; a torso shot. Featherstonehaugh fell.

Lynley called out, "Are you ok?"

"Yes Sir. You're bleeding."

He put his hand to his head, his stiches had torn open but that could wait. He did not look at Featherstonehaugh. He did not care if he was alive or dead but he did care about Winston. He grabbed his phone and called for an ambulance. Barbara was already kneeling beside Winston; her hand over his wound applying pressure. Winston was dropping in and out of consciousness but he was alive.


	7. Chapter 7

It seemed like hours but the ambulance was there within minutes. Winston would live but was rushed to Chichester for surgery. Featherstonehaugh was also alive but his prognosis was much grimmer. Simon, Lynley and Havers were bundled into a third ambulance and taken to the hospital where Simon was treated for concussion and Tommy's cut was re-stitched. Barbara tried hard to convince people that after shooting someone she was not in shock.

Hillier arrived about three hours later. "I am sorry Havers but I should suspend you on full pay pending an internal investigation regarding the shooting."

"Sir is that really necessary? Lynley looked livid and almost shouted, "Havers did nothing wrong."

"I agree but we need to follow protocol Lynley," Hillier said calmly.

"It's ok Sir, I understand." Barbara said quietly. She was actually not upset. She knew she had done the right thing. Had she taken the original shot at Featherstonehaugh's head it would be much harder to justify it was reasonable force. Besides a few days off might be nice; so much had happened and she needed to think.

"Well I do not understand." Lynley was still angry. "Besides I was going to ask for Havers to be assigned close protection duty for me."

Hiller and Havers both looked at him puzzled. "Featherstonehaugh has friends in many places Sir and if he felt the noose was tightening others may too. I think I may still be a target because of my influence in those circles and I'm not exactly capable of looking after myself at the moment," he said pointing at his bandaged arm. He doubted very much that he was in any danger at all but he wanted to ensure Barbara had to stay near him.

Hillier thought about it and agreed. "You might be right. Are you happy for that Havers? You two do tend to have a tempestuous relationship at best but I know he trusts you more than anyone else I could assign."

"Yeah, it's ok Sir," Barbara replied, "how long?" _So much for my rest and avoiding Lynley._

"Two weeks and we will review it. By then we will know what is happening with Featherstonehaugh and also the internal investigation. And Lynley's right, it does show we believe everything was done correctly."

Lynley was ecstatic but of course betrayed nothing. Barbara looked tired. He hoped it was nothing more and that she actually wanted to stay with him. Perhaps they could go down to Cornwall for a few days.

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Someone drove them up to London late the next morning. After last night she really would have preferred some time alone to think but she had to face it at some stage. They stopped at Havers' flat while she packed her rucksack. She was almost packed when she remembered that she had promised his mother he would go down to Cornwall soon; so she added a couple of her neater slacks and blouses.

The glazier had done a good job on the window and his house had been cleaned so when they arrived they had nothing to really do. Barbara was visibly relieved. She had assumed cleaning and cooking would be part of the deal. Tommy sensed that Barbara was uncomfortable. He had assumed that after last night she would share his bed but for appearance sake at least he offered he the use of the guest room. He was a little surprised and very disappointed when she agreed.

They were both exhausted and after showering and changing decided to have a sandwich and then a nap. Tommy did not press her to stay with him; he knew she wanted some time to think. They agreed that whoever woke up first would rouse the other at five o'clock. If they slept through too long it would take days to rectify their sleeping patterns.

Tommy was surprised to find it was Barbara waking him. He had slept for four hours with no nightmares; something that rarely happened. They decided to go to the pub for dinner rather than get another takeaway meal. "Are you sure Sir? Barbara had asked, "I mean if someone is after you we might be safer here."

"I doubt very much that anyone is after me Barbara. Featherstonehaugh would not work that way; he was too much of a loner. Even his wife has disappeared. I really only told Hillier that story to give us an excuse to spend some time together. We have unfinished business from last night." He saw the confusion and exhaustion in her eyes. She was not ready to deal with that now. "But neither of us is up for that at the moment so let's just have dinner and a few drinks then go home and watch some mindless television. Tomorrow we can work out what we are going to do with our two weeks. You do know that we will have to visit Mother at some stage?"

"Yes, that's ok. Thanks for not pushing me. I just need to think a bit."

"Just don't overthink it Barbara."

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Hours later Barbara was woken by his screams and rushed into his room. At first she thought someone was attacking him but soon realised he was having nightmares again. He was thrashing around on the bed. "Sir… Sir wake up, it's ok. I'm here."

The sound of her voice seemed to calm him. He was half out of bed and unable to get back with his arm still in the sling. She helped him to get comfortable then got a flannel from his ensuite and soaked it with cool water. She wiped down his face and neck, removing the sweat and the tears. He looked so alone and afraid that she stroked his hair until his breathing resumed its normal rhythm.

'I'm sorry Barbara. You shouldn't have to see me like this."

"It's ok Sir, I _am_ here to protect you from your enemies after all; even if they are only in your head."

He half smiled. "Stay; don't leave me alone."

She blew some air though pursed lips uncertain what to do. There was no decision really and she climbed in under the covers and held him until he drifted back to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day they made plans to drive down to Howenstowe. Tommy insisted they hire a car larger than her little one. He claimed that he needed to be able to stretch out and not feel like a bear in a circus car. Barbara was not insulted but decided two could play at that game. She hired a Jaguar sports car at a daily rate she thought might feed a small country. Lord Lynley was amused but would let her think he thought it was the most natural thing in the world. They could leave after lunch and be in Cornwall for dinner.

Neither of them had mentioned the night before or what had happened at Bognor Regis. On the drive down they talked about everything else just to avoid it. There was no tension or awkwardness between them and conversation was easy but it was eating away at both of them. They would have to confront it sometime soon. Barbara thought that being at Howenstowe would mean it could be avoided until they returned to London but Tommy wanted to resolve it while they were there.

Tommy's sister Judith was holidaying in Spain so Tommy's mother was the only other family in the house. She had greeted them warmly and made a suitable fuss of Tommy's injuries, much to his annoyance. He was getting tired of not being fully fit and had become increasingly irritable with his mother's attentions.

Barbara had a headache and decided to go to bed early, only an hour after dinner, and left Tommy and Dorothy to talk. He was not really in the mood and suspected that Barbara had set him up so he would have to spend more time with his mother.

"I am worried about Barbara, Tommy. She seems a bit distracted."

"I think it is just the events of the last week. Shooting someone is not easy."

"I doubt she would have hesitated when you were in danger."

"Meaning?"

"Oh Tommy, I'm not a _complete_ fool you know. You two would fight to the death for each other. I don't know why you don't just marry the poor girl and be done with it."

"Mother!"

"Don't 'Mother' me Tommy! You can act as indignant as you like but we both know it's the truth. The point is you are good together and you both need to just get over your hang ups and get on with your lives." Tommy hung his head. He knew it was the truth but hearing it from his mother felt intrusive. He was going to snap back at her when she continued, "And I know you think you are betraying Helen but you should never have married her Tommy. It was never going to work the way you need a relationship to work. And besides you were already in love with Barbara; everyone could see it except the two of you. Even Helen knew it."

It was like she had thrust a knife through his heart. He was devastated. _Had Helen really thought that?_ "You're a fine one to lecture me on relationships and love Mother!" He had not wanted to hurt her, to bring up the wounds of the past again. They had resolved that a few years before but he was so angry; mainly at himself. He knew he was being unfair. "I'm sorry. Did Helen really believe that? I did love Helen, Mother and I did try to make it work after she came back. I never wanted to hurt her."

"Yes and she loved you but both of you knew it was not right. She knew by the way you reacted to the news of the baby. She had hoped it would bring you together but she knew you felt trapped and devoid of any honourable way out it. She understood that neither of you could be what the other one needed. You could both pretend for a while. You were always good friends and that stopped you seeing that it was never going to be enough; not for a happy marriage. It would have become a marriage of devotion and duty; not one full of love."

Tommy sank into his chair and ran his hands through his hair. He knew she was right but that did not stop the guilt. "But why did she come back?"

"I don't think she intended to Tommy. She wanted to go back to being friends. She missed what she had once had with you. When she left she had thought you might come after her but you wanted to find who killed your child more than you wanted to support her. And then when Havers was shot, well your priority was very clear."

"Barbara doesn't have anyone else. I had to support her."

"You don't see it do you Tommy. No one and nothing should have been more important than Helen but someone and something was more important to you."

"What if it is the same with Barbara? She thinks it would be. She thinks I am confusing our understanding, our friendship for love."

"Then you need to show her how you feel Tommy. Words only go so far with you two. Don't hint around things like you do. Tell her; show her in the way that makes her believe."

"How can I do that with my injured wing?" he exclaimed in frustration.

"Oh Tommy!" Dorothy scolded him, "I thought I brought you up better than that. It is not about how good you are in bed, it is about how good you are at loving her, and at making her feel she is the most important person in the world to you."

Tommy stared at his mother for a few seconds then rushed from the room. Dorothy sighed. Her son had one chance to get this right. She hoped he would do whatever it took.


	9. Chapter 9

Tommy knocked on Barbara's door then opened it gently. He had no intention of waiting for an invitation and stepped inside closing the door behind him. He was surprised to find her standing by the window staring out at the stars. "I thought you would have been asleep."

She turned to face him, surprised he had just marched in. "Nah, I couldn't stop things running around in my head. So you thought if I _was_ asleep it would be good to wake me?"

"No… well yes actually. I need to talk to you Barbara; sort out a few things."

"With due respect Sir, I don't think you can." She turned back to look out the window again.

"Stop that." He crossed the room and stood near her. He was uncertain. _Do I kiss her? What do I say?_ He moved closer until he was standing directly behind her then wrapped his good arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. He rested his head on hers. He felt her sag back into him.

It was pointless pretending that she did not care. They had crossed that bridge in Bognor but she still did not believe he loved her. This felt cruel. She wanted it to be real but she had seen how he and Helen had destroyed each other. And she felt guilty. She had pushed him to chase Helen and she had pushed him to try again when she had returned. She thought she was supporting him. She wanted him to be happy but in reality she had been pushing him away because she had been scared of the possibilities. That night when he had come to her flat she had tried to tell him. They had both understood that they were the only reason each other could face the world. But he had made no move to kiss her and she had not offered her bed, only the small uncomfortable couch. They were dancing macabrely around each other with no real understanding of why or how to conclude it.

"What are we doing?" she asked him. "How do you ever think this would work? And if it did it couldn't last because we would not be able to work together and that, that Sir is something special. I don't want to give that up and to be waiting at home for you only for you to be absorbed in a case somewhere and rarely thinking about me. I want to be there, helping you; in the thick of it all. I want to be the one to save you or have you save me. I don't want you to have another partner. I don't want to be replaced." Tears dripped onto his arm. He spun her around and kissed her. It was urgent and impassioned but also delicate and tender and loving. He had no doubts at all – he loved this woman more than he had ever loved anyone before.

"Barbara, I want that too. I never want to spend a moment apart. We are the opposite sides of the same coin. We are different, we have different roles but we are merged in a way that can never be parted without destroying us both."

"You mean like rolling us in one of those sideshow machines that turns the penny into a souvenir?"

It was such a Havers thing to say. On other occasions when he had bared his soul she had responded with similar shallowness to avoid confronting the depth of his feelings. "Don't do that Barbara. Don't try to laugh this off." He kissed her again and this time he felt her give in to it; to go with him wherever this was going to lead.

She broke from his embrace and stared into his eyes, ""I'm sorry Tommy. I do love you bit I am scared." Tommy's heart nearly stopped when she called him by his name and any concerns he had were swept away. He guided her towards the bed. He had no idea how this was going to work with only one arm but he knew it did not matter – everything would be perfect.

By morning neither of them had slept. Tommy's shoulder hurt but he would have gladly broken it again to repeat the last few hours. He felt something he had never felt before – serenity. He was at peace with himself, with Barbara and with the world. Barbara was snuggled into his chest and holding him with such love that he was reassured that she would be with him forever.

"I want you to marry me Barbara. More than I want to breathe." he whispered with such honesty that Barbara felt she might literally faint. "Will you agree to be my partner in everything – work, home, family? Will you become my wife?"

Barbara smiled and looked up at him. Her answer was in her eyes and he kissed her again. He would never tire of that pleasure. But Barbara was not going to give any of it up and had a sudden idea that might just work. Her answer surprised Tommy, "Yes Tommy. I will but only if we can work together too, until it is our choice not to." She paused then said almost wickedly, "I have a plan." She told him her scheme and Tommy smiled. _Yes, that might just work._


	10. Chapter 10

Lynley and Havers stood in front of Hillier's desk. It had been four weeks since the shooting and Tommy had shed his sling and had been passed fit to return to light office bound duties. Now that Barbara had been cleared by the internal review she was ready to go back to full duties.

Hillier thought they both looked remarkably refreshed and at ease with themselves and life despite having being restricted to almost exclusively each other's company for nearly four weeks. "You two look very relaxed. So Havers I suppose you will be anxious to move home and out from under this one's feet now?" he said, flicking his hand to indicate Tommy.

The couple had stayed in Cornwall for a week. They had taken long walks by the sea but to use Dorothy's euphemism had spent most of their time 'relaxing in each other's company'. They had 'relaxed' a lot after returning to London as well. Standing here now Hillier's words had amused Barbara and she was trying hard not to laugh. _If only you knew Sir._

Lynley jumped in answering for her, "Actually Sir we have decided to make it a permanent arrangement." Hillier's eyebrows shot up disappearing under his hairline. Tommy continued, "Strangely enough we found we make good housemates. Havers keeps me calm and I have almost managed to domesticate her."

Barbara shot him a look that would have withered most people instantly. The look was not unnoticed by Hillier. _I don't know how they function so well as a team when they are always at each other's throats! _To Lynley the look was perfect; Hillier would not suspect what really lay behind their plan. "So she is going to rent out her flat and move in with me. We thought we should tell you personally; you know how things can get distorted on the grapevine around here."

"Er, thank you. Yes I dare say it will be a topic of conversation, given your backgrounds."

Barbara spoke up now, miffed at the insinuation. "If I were male no one would think twice about it but because I am a working class woman and DI Lynley is a lord everyone thinks I must be social climbing. Well Sir I assure you that is the furthest thing from my mind. I think…"

Hillier cut her off and looked to Lynley to rescue him. He was clearly flustered. "That's not what I meant Sergeant Havers. I meant that you are always fighting with each other. I never thought you would volunteer to do that twenty-four seven. Look its fine; it has nothing to do with me or with anyone."

"Thank you Sir," they replied in unison and both turned and left the office. Outside they found the first vacant room and rushed in unable to contain their laughter any longer.

"Well played Barbara."

"Thank you Tommy. I'm glad you think I have been domesticated." She made pawing movements in front of him with her fingers.

"Barbara, I will never tame you, but I will have fun trying! I am looking forward to his face in a few months when we tell him we are going to be married." She beamed at him wondering just how high Hillier's eyebrows could go. It would be very hard for him to separate them when he had approved of them living together and still being partners.

Tommy kissed her quickly then said, "Come on Sergeant we have work to do."


End file.
